Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
