I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
