Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
