Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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