and she was petting her beer can
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
