I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
