i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
