shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
