have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How does it feel to date your dad?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
