just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
