hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
