Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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