Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
