I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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