i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
