Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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