it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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