I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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