I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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