I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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