i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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