I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
