i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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