You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
