"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This is not my ceiling
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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