i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize
