if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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