i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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