Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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