my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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