Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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