She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
