Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
