She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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