she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i think im in europe. pls send help
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
