so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
