i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
