I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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