what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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