The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
