Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
