I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
