I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
