Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's always time for handjobs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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