I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if only i could text you this smell
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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