Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
