Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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