guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
