a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
