Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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