so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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